There isn’t much worse than a bad comedy. When other kinds of movies are bad enough at least they are kind of funny. Movies like The Room, Showgirls, and Battlefield Earth are so terrible they are great but bad comedies are just depressing. It’s only truly bad if you can’t effectively laugh at their badness. That is why bad comedies are a bit hard to come by. Instead of putting people on death row, we should force them to watch Norbit on repeat while pulling out glass catheters like you’re trying to start a lawn mower until they kill themselves. 3 times tops.

The service told me you would look different too

The service told me you would look different too

Chris Kattan has very bad luck. He’s legitimately funny but he gets in the worst movies possible. I feel bad for the guy. It’s sad when an everyday schlub like myself feels bad for a celebrity. The only explanation I can think of is he likes challenges too much. His Rotten Tomatoes should be used to make Salsa Verde. Kattan looks at a script and has to say to himself “this is like contracting herpes, but I can make it more like gonorrhoea” (herpes isn’t curable but gonorrhoea is, I realized writing this joke that not everyone has gotten The Clap. To those people, I suggest you go out and live life.). I imagine Kattan is a guy that refuses to believe he can’t change something terrible like some kind of comedic alchemist. Unfortunately, Corky Romano isn’t gold but he did manage to change crap into crap sprayed with febreeze.

Actual amount of coke needed to enjoy this movie

Actual amount of coke needed to enjoy this movie

The main problem we see here is bad writing. First thing in the movie was an exposition that told you his brothers issues. The one brother is a closet homosexual and his other brother is illiterate. This was completely unnecessary and really ruined a large amount of jokes by killing the punchlines. The jokes that were good that Kattan did were spot on. First scene in the movie Kattan is in had him singing to the radio which was legit funny. All downhill after that. Between the fart jokes, casual racism, homophobia, and sexism this movie hits all the marks for a 70’s comedy 30 years too late. Since Netflix is taking it off of their service next week, apparently obladi oblada life doesn’t go on for Corky Romano.

I was suggested to review this by a couple of my co-workers (Brian F. and Andrew H.). I believe they really understand what I mean by bad movies. There are a couple jokes that laugh so this isn’t the worst comedy I’ve seen (I’m looking at you Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh) but this is near the bottom. I guess I’m not the target audience for fart jokes and casual racism.

Those Joker beauty products really work

Those Joker beauty products really work

Corky Romano is basically The Godfather meets Ace Ventura without the drama or comedy. Remaking this movie would be a waste of money. I would take the money used to make this movie ($11 million in 2001 would be roughly $14.8 million) and buy 8 bottles of Goût De Diamants Champagne at $1.8 million a piece. I would dump the champagne in a Water Warriors Colossus 2 water gun and run into office buildings with strobe lights and a boom-box playing “We Didn’t Start the Fire” strapped to my back spraying everyone in a suit shouting “I’m dying from the inside.” That would be a better use of money than making Corky Romano. Don’t get me wrong, this movie made money but this crapfest makes the term ‘lowest common denominator’ very real.

As always I am Tim McDonald, your movie watching stunt double. Hit me up on Twitter or Facebook to make suggestions or comments. I would like to thank Brian F. and Andy H. for suggesting Corky Romano.