A customer had stopped Sarah as she made her way to the break room. All she wanted was that frozen mini-pizza in the freezer, and this selfish bitch was in her way. The woman smiled gently and began to open her mouth. Sarah thought of a million ways to shut it.
“Hi, could you point me in the direction of the childrens’ shampoo?” she said innocently.
In her cloud of merit-less hatred Sarah scanned her head for the answer. When it came to her, it took every fiber of her being to maintain her composure. The aisle was the same aisle they were in. In fact, the woman had a perfect view of the product from where she stood, as it was right behind Sarah. Something sweet oozed out of Sarah’s face, but hatred boiled under her skin.
God Complex #1 (Image)
Paul Jenkins/Bryan Lie (W) Hendry Prasetya (A)
Actually excited for this series, but I’ve realized I’ve been relegating the new series to the top of the stack, so I’ll continue the trend. This time it’s by design. Talent looks awesome, so that means the comic looks awesome. Bang.
Family Trade #1 (Image)
Justin Jordan (W) Morgan Been (A)
Reading new comics is how you find what you love. Another new comic, new team, lovely things. Try it out. It’s three bucks, how much do you have to lose?
Scales & Scoundrels #2 (Image)
Sebastian Girner (W) Galaad (A)
This series is so strong, I didn’t realize that it was aimed for younger audiences until I picked it up. Honestly, don’t ever trust how things are labeled. This is just as adult as anything else I’m reading. Fuck the establishment, man.
Daredevil #27 (Marvel)
Charles Soule (W) Ron Garney (A)
Eh, not a huge fan of last issue. It’s just not my tempo. I’m sure I’ll eat my words this week. I do that a lot.
Hulk #11 (Marvel)
Mariko Tamaki (W) Georges Duarte (A)
Call back to previous She-Hulk comics on the cover for this week? Totally. That makes me unusually happy. So points for that.
Babyteeth #5 (Image)
Donny Cates (W) Garry Brown (A)
Series is picking up and going somewhere I wasn’t expecting, but I totally love it. If I ask you nicely, will you please go pick up this comic. Thank you. Or fuck you, depending on your answer.
Ms. Marvel #23 (Marvel)
G. Willow Wilson (W) Diego Olortegui (A)
New arc! New Artist! SAME KAMALA! Things are getting sad for Kamala, hope everything gets magically better with no character development. Oh, that’s not how things work? Shoot!
Defenders #6 (Marvel)
Brian Michael Bendis (W) David Marquez (A)
DEADPOOL! BECAUSE HE ISN’T OVER SATURATING THE MEDIUM ALREADY!!!!!
Redlands #3 (Image)
Jordie Bellaire/Vanesa Del Rey (W) Jordie Bellaire (A)
Dammit this series is good. Fucking beautiful, riveting concept. Great story telling. This is what happens when you try new stuff guys. Git on it.
Wonder Woman #32 (DC)
James Robinson (W) Carlo Pagulayan (A)
New team on the last issue really blew the doors off the comic. I loved the first issue, we’ll see if it surpasses the first team’s run. I’m confident in these guys.
Jimmy’s Bastards #4 (AfterShock)
Garth Ennis (W) Russell Braun (A)
This series is wrong in the best way. If you were reading it you would understand. So my advice to you is just to read it.
Detective Comics #966 (DC)
James Tynion IV (W) Eddy Barrows (A)
I am really interested in where this arc is going. Without being too spoiler-y some weird time-shit is happening to Tim and I’m not sure where it’s going next. It’s fucking great.
Dark Nights: Metal #3 (of 6) (DC)
Scott Snyder (W) Greg Capullo (A)
Talking about weird shit. Holy hell this book is a fucking trip. It’s like Snyder let the fucking dogs loose in his brain and they tore a hole in the “sensible story” wall. All hell is breaking loose and I couldn’t be happier about it.
Dying and the Dead #6 (Image)
Jonathan Hickman (W) Ryan Bodenheim (A)
This last issue was fucking nuts. I could be making that up. Either way, I’m excited for the next one. Just like an addict, I need my fix. I also sleep in abandoned buildings.
Royal City #6 (Image)
Jeff Lemire (W) Jeff Lemire (A)
I LIKE FEELING SAD. OKAY! IS THAT FINE. STOP CHECKING UP ON ME. STOP CALLING AND ASKING IF I’M OKAY. I’M RELATIVELY OKAY.
Black Science #32 (Image)
Rick Remender (W) Matteo Scalera (A)
I’m not okay, the me who wrote that was lying. The now me isn’t sorry for his actions, but sincerely wishes the current future me is more okay. That’s a vague and unrestricted, maybe that’s what future future me needs. JUST LIKE YOU NEED THIS COMIC! Segue master.
Mister Miracle #3 (of 12) (DC)
Tom King (W) Mitch Gerads (A)
Fuck you for not reading this. If you are reading it, maybe we can go out for some brunch some time. Talk about your good taste in comics. Maybe you like good music too. Who knows?
These are the events that led to the end of the civilized world as we knew it. It was that day that Sarah, also known as Captain Eclipso, of the Well-Being Brigade, a D-class superhero team from Kentucky, decided that she would spend her night calculating how quickly she could take out the leaders of the free world. Her math brought her to the conclusion that the infrastructure of the entire world could be dismantled in four minutes and sixteen seconds. The reality came out to roughly four minutes and fifty six seconds. She hadn’t accounted for the constitution of the Indian prime minister.