Not the Marvel Studios I was hoping for

Not the Marvel Studios we deserved but the Marvel Studios we needed

Since comic book movies are so popular right now, we decided I should start a series of comic book themed “What not to Watch” reviews. Since my two favorite things are comics and bad movies, I begrudgingly accepted the task. If you ever thought to yourself “I really love the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. TV show on ABC as well as Arrow and The Flash on The CW, I wonder if other comic book shows and movies were really good and just overlooked.” Short answer is no, not much good was overlooked. Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Nick Fury for the purposes of this article) is not a hidden gem. Don’t get me wrong it’s not the worst comic book movie ever, but if I did a Top 10 (to come in the future) it could be on there.

What the hell is she doing to her... Really?

This movie just got interesting…

David Hasselhoff is a pop culture icon. Between Baywatch, Knight Rider, and the drunk video tape, The Hoff has become immortal. Unfortunately, Nick Fury didn’t do anything for his legacy. In all honesty, he wasn’t the worst thing in this film but that isn’t saying a whole lot. He delivered his one liners well and definitely fit with the feel. Apparently he wants to play Fury again but I believe he is the only one who feels that way.

I think I know why his eHarmony isn't working

I think I know why his eHarmony is less than a success

Nick Fury is the ultimate super-spy and The Hoff bears a striking resemblance to him from the original comics. If I was going to cast an actor based on the original Nick Fury’s appearance in 1998 I would be hard pressed to find an actor that looked more like him. Once Marvel made The Ultimates comics and had the character look like Samuel L. Jackson on purpose, it was easy to cast. I love Sam Jackson but he isn’t exactly picky about where his work comes from (see Amos & Andrew, Sphere, The Man, and the XXX series). Lucky for him the Marvel movies are really good but I am certain he would be doing them as long as there was a check with his name on it.

Kitty Pryde? More like Shitty Stride

Kitty Pryde? More like Shitty Stride

The fact that Nick Fury was a “made for TV movie” does not help it’s rating. Poor special effects, cheesy one liners, bad acting, and a lack of basic curse words made the movie very hard to stomach. When you are in a pep talk scene or an adult is looking for payback you don’t want to hear “Let’s go kick his butt”. It just doesn’t have the right feeling. When you are watching a fire fight the same year that Saving Private Ryan came out, you don’t want practical effects from The A-Team TV show. Between those factors and the lackluster dialog, it really had no hope.

Some major plot issues. He gets poisoned earlier in the movie at around the same time as the Interpol agent. That agent is in critical condition right away but he keeps on fighting henchmen and directing an operation. They wear Hazmat suits with her but not Fury? That seems… incorrect. Spray that cancels out lasers? When Fury destroys things they work? If Viper could launch the missiles directly, why did her brother need to be there? So many unanswered questions, so little need to have them answered.

She must have seen this too

She must have seen this too

Marvel has already redone S.H.I.E.L.D. so it would be easy to make a new Nick Fury movie. Thomas Kretschmann has signed a multi-picture deal with Marvel to play Baron von Strucker. I would put him in the new Nick Fury movie putting him head to head with Sam Jackson’s Fury. Make a cat and mouse spy film and the fans like myself would eat that up. The story could be anything relevant to the Marvel Cinematic Universe at the time. Just putting Fury against Strucker would make a great film.

I would like the thank Chris Walk (AKA Cynicnerd) for his suggestion on starting the comic book series. I have not decided how long I will be doing this series but feel free to hit me up on Facebook or Twitter by searching for Infinitylantern. Thanks for reading!

More monitors than a daycare flophouse

More monitors than a daycare flophouse