So, Animal Crossing is here and boy did it arrive at the right time. As chaos sweeps the globe and most people are living in fear or unsure of where their next paycheck is coming from. We have a little slice of heaven to run away too and call our own. This is Animal Crossing, I’ve always loved Animal Crossing ever since it came out on the GameCube. I never really knew who came up with the idea or why, but it doesn’t matter. This game owns my fucking soul and I am forever it’s whipped, little bitch. Maybe you feel the same? Either way, here are five signs Animal Crossing owns your life, and you fucking love it.

  1. It’s all about the bells baby- Yeah, that’s right. You love em or you hate em. Either way, bells are all you can think about lately. You’re walking down the street and you see some fruit on a tree, maybe you can shake that fucker and sell it down the street? Better yet, you can walk around town with a shovel and just start attacking every goddamn rock you see! You know why? BELLS! That’s why! You need them bells, you need the extra room to your house that you’re barely in! You know, the room you’re just going to stuff with turnips that will probably go bad, who cares! BELLS
  2. Tarantulas- This is a nice game, it’s friendly, it’s quiet, peaceful music. So one night you’re walking around, having a nice time talking to your villagers, checking the night sky for shooting stars, and then BOOM. There it is. Satan himself is looking at you. You think to yourself this can’t be true? Is that a giant nasty fucking tarantula in an Animal Crossing game?! Now you live in fear, searching around you as you leave your house. Does art imitate life? Will the streets be filled with tarantulas waiting to knock you unconscious?! Why in God’s name is this terrifying creature allowed in this peaceful world?! Oh wait, it’s worth 8,000 bells? Game on fucker.
  1. Balloons in the sky- You’re walking along and VROOM! You almost get hit by a car. Why? Oh, no reason. It’s only because you’re too busy staring at the sky looking for that sweet balloon! What will it be filled with? Bells? A useless DIY recipe? Who cares! You need to knock that fucker out of the sky and claim what’s rightfully yours!
  2. Fruit Hoarder- You’ve always been a meat and potatoes kind of person. Well, that all changed with Animal Crossing. All you can think about now are fruits. Certain fruits to be specific. Cherries, apples, oranges, peaches, pears, oh my! You need them and you fucking want them. You’re harassing your friends 24/7. What kind of fruit do you have? Please send me some! My island is so barren and boring! I NEED THOSE FRUITS! I’ve used so many nook mile tickets to find new fruits and all I get is fucking coconuts!
  3. You’re reading this article- Yeah, that’s right. I said it. Do you know why you started reading this article? It said ANIMAL CROSSING in it, you little slut. You love this game and you’ll never fucking stop will you? You’re thinking to yourself right now, why am I even reading this when I could be playing some Animal Crossing! Run you fools! Run!!