Apparently there was a miscommunication about what Hercules movie I was supposed to review.  This time I made sure there was no way I was going to get confused on what movie to review.  Chaz told me “since the new Fantastic Four movie is in production, why not review the older one produced by Constantin Films.”

FF1Round 1: FIGHT!

In 2012, Constantin Films and David Garrett of Summit Entertainment formed Mister Smith Entertainment, in which Steven Spielberg and Reliance Entertainment’s DreamWorks studio formed a distribution deal with. This information would be completely irrelevant except for the fact that Summit Entertainment gave us the gem “The Legend of Hercules“. Constantin has made some pretty good films including Bandits, The Never-ending Story, and Tarzan. They have also made a much longer list of bad films.


The Most Dangerous Twilight Games: The Battle of Divergent Running Lords of the Flies

Perfect, there is no way I could get this wrong. I finally forgave my brother for messing with me on the Highlander review and he told me he would get me a copy of the movie as an apology gift.  I saw this right in the beginning of the movie so I know this was legit:

FF3Notice a lack of the word ‘proudly’

This movie has a huge story about why it wasn’t released that I will not go into but can be found on Wikipedia here. The movies special effects are terrible.  I found too many examples to list individually so I decided to make another collage.

FF4Are you keeping up with the commodore? Because the commodore is keeping up with you.

I can feel what you are thinking.  “Tim, this movie was made in 1994.  The special effects in 1994 weren’t that great.”  1. If you think that, you are likely a young person and therefor wrong.  2. There were a great number of movies that came out before this that had special effects that still stand up today.  To name a few Stargate, Lawnmower Man, The Mask, and Forrest Gump all had superb special effects (for their time) that could have easily lend itself to this movie.  Heck, even Terminator 2 and Jurassic Park still stands up today.

FF5Back in my day we invented our own supervillains

The main things that make this movie terrible are the bad plot and even worse EVERYTHING ELSE.  This is definitely a ‘so bad it’s good’ movie for some.  Victor is in an accident and presumed dead.  10 years later, Reed and Ben take two completely untrained teens into space because science.  They needed to bring this giant diamond that was replaced with a ‘not diamond’ by “The Jeweler”.  Doom (OMG, he’s not dead!) steals the diamond to take over/destroy the Earth. If you are upset that I spoiled this movie it was made 20 years ago. To spoil something else from 20 years ago, Stop following Michael Jackson’s career.  It only gets worse from here.

FF6I can only manipulate the fire, I can’t create it.

This brings us to the main culprits: Director OIey Sassone and Writers Craig J Nevius and Kevin Rock.  Before ‘Fantastic’ Four Sassone’s credits included “Bloodfist III: Forced to fight”, “Final Embrace”, and “Relentless IV: Ashes to Ashes”.  I’m noticing a theme with his body of work.  Since then he directed episodes of “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys”, “Xena”, and “Martial Law” starring Sammo Hung.  Nevius and Rock hasn’t written anything of note.

FF7I take that back, he looks like crap.

In summation, the only good thing about this god-awful monstrosity is the fact that the general public didn’t have to deal with it.  I’m going to go wash my eyes with a household cleaner that would sponsor this site.

FF8I feel everything! I know… I know everything! I am everything!